Love and Life

man and woman holding hands

“By changing her misconceptions,

she went in a new direction.”

Life is what happens while you’re making plans, right?

After blogging weekly for a pretty consistent 14 weeks, something recently stopped me in my tracks. Life as I knew it changed. Routines went out of the window. Plans – both short term and long term – looked completely different. The path through life that I was walking took such a dramatic turn, it felt like I didn’t just change direction but also vehicle.

I fell in love.

I promise this is not going to be a gushy, slushy, mushy post. But this fledgling romance and my new fella Colin have already taught or reminded me of a few things that apply to all aspects of life, not just love.

  1. If you want to change the direction of your life, YOU and only YOU can take action. Colin and I were firm friends, having a beer down a rock club with lots of other friends. And I just decided I wanted to kiss him. So I did. Did I expect a grand romance? Absolutely not.
  2. When you put yourself in the right place, opportunities WILL come your way. I would not have attempted to kiss someone – much less a friend – if I hadn’t a clear sense that they wanted to be kissed. Life is like this. Some people look at successful folk and think they are just lucky. They aren’t. People are in the right place at the right time because they PUT THEMSELVES in the right place at the right time.
  3. Things happen when they happen, and they happen at that time for a reason. In the same breath as needing to be in the right place, sometimes you have to be patient for the right time. The third line of the Mrityunjaya mantra is translated as “May he lead us to immortality, just as the cucumber is released from its bondage.” This has always stuck with me. A cucumber, like many other fruits and vegetables, should only be picked when it is ready, and when it is ready it will easily come away from the vine. I truly believe this when it comes to people especially. You can’t bend others to your will. They will come to you – whether as a lover, a friend or a client – when they are ready to receive whatever you can give them.
  4. When opportunity comes your way, FUCKING GRAB IT AND RUN WITH IT. (Yes I did a swear. Sorry mum). Honestly, all the clichés are true here. You WILL regret more of the things you didn’t do than the things you did do. And you can’t live your life in fear of a future regret. The reason you will regret is because you didn’t push and work and adapt and change and embrace the chances. It’s making your own luck again. If you invest more time and energy into trying to foresee every future and holding yourself back than you do in actually making the best of the lightning bolts when they land, you’re honestly wasting your life.
  5. “If you’re happy alone, you’ll be happier together”. This Stephen Bartlett quote came up on my timeline a couple of weeks ago and boy, did that stop me scrolling. Two things to unpack here; firstly, and it’s another cliché, you can’t love someone else unless you love yourself. And while that doesn’t need to be a completed piece of work (society conditions us to not like ourselves very much and that takes a LOT of unpicking), a romantic or even business relationship cannot be built on the shaky foundations of your own lack of self love. Secondly, just because you’re little Miss Independent, just because you think you’ve already had your one great love, just because you’ve built a happy life on your own, it doesn’t mean you can’t be EVEN HAPPIER amongst others. Even the most introverted of people need human company.

I’m a huge believer of community and collaboration in every aspect of life. As an independent Aquarian I’ve had to actually learn how to do that as it doesn’t come naturally to me. But I know it’s vital, not just for individuals but for society.

We learn and grow from our interactions with other people. And, maybe more importantly, it’s our closest relationships that call out our bullshit. I need that. I have lofty ideas and I probably need someone to bring me back to the reality of the world sometimes. I am prone to procrastination (and often NOT grabbing those opportunities!) and I need someone to keep me accountable.

I was happy alone. But I’m happier together.

Lyric title from Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson, written by Kelly Clarkson, Rhett Lawrence, Christina Aguilera, Matt Morris

Published by Finding Felicity

I am Felicity, a satisfaction expert, yoga teacher and reflexologist who is empowering disillusioned people to take ownership of their happiness, having learnt from my own experience of falling off the hedonic treadmill that happiness is far deeper than just pleasure. My personal journey of deconstructing and reconstructing my life through studies of neuroscience, psychology, philosophy and yoga, opened my eyes to the complexity of human emotions. Based in Lancashire and teaching online, I am passionate about passing that knowledge on to others who feel out of touch with themselves and are wondering, “is this it?” I'm obsessed with helping people to build and live a satisfied life we don’t need to escape from.

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